The last week has been a rocky road, within my life and my mental health. In the last week I had a lot of family drama going on, some stuff I won’t go into detail about but let’s just say it’s put a lot of emotions in my head and stress on my mental health.
Going through an emotional roller-coaster, my body and mind are not supporting me very well through these difficult times.
I feel like I can barely move most of the time and I have to force myself to get up every day to do the simple things to survive such as taking a bath, eating real food (not just chocolate and crisps) and pushing myself to do things that I can’t do sat up in bed.
I have to keep telling myself ‘this all will pass, the world will go back to normal soon’ but sadly I also know that’s not 100% true because even if things start going back to normal in the world around me, my life before lockdown won’t be returning.
Before lockdown, I was attending a college doing an Access Course for Social Studies and because of quarantine, they decided they won’t be continuing or waiting for the lockdown to end and they will be given us grades based on what we have achieved already on the course.
For many, this is really good and yes for me I would say it’s great because just before the word lockdown was even spoken, I was so ready to just give up because I was so done and I believed I couldn’t do it any more. I just enjoyed a reason to get out of the house and to be able to get on a train (I love long train rides) and being able to go socialise in a classroom setting, the first classroom setting I had been in since 2016.
I forgot how much I missed being a student in a classroom setting learning new things. I also forgot how much I hated doing homework and taking tests and writing essays.
I have started to push myself so much more in the last week, I have been doing much more creative things. Today I made myself dinner from scratch (well I made the mash from scratch) and I also made homemade cookies.
I have been getting back into my writing as well, I haven’t written a blog for Blue Sky in so long. I don’t have a great reason why I stopped but what I can say is, I let the bad thoughts in my head get in the way and that’s why I needed to take the break at the time I did.
I started writing a story a few months back and I hope to continue it very soon. I just need to get more of a story plan written out because it’s so hard to write a chapter for a story without knowing where it's headed and you just make it up as you write it.
I have just ordered myself a drawing tablet, this drawing tablet connects to my laptop so I can start doing digital drawings. This is such a big thing for me because I can remember since I was around 12 and when I really started getting into drawing, I wanted one of these and I’m really excited about it. Hopefully, when it comes, I can do one or two drawings that the Blue Sky team can share with you.
I found this really cool playlist on Spotify called Keep Holding On. The songs on this playlist are really good to listen to when you have your mind in a dark corner and just need a reminder to keep breathing and things will sort themselves out.
I rediscovered a song called ‘The Climb’ by Miley Cyrus that I would recommend to anyone to listen to. This song will speak to you and will make you feel it was written just for you to listen to while you go through a difficult time. It has helped me out of many sticky situations recently.
Well that’s just about been my week, I know it’s not much but what I do know is that sometimes reading about other people’s week can help you feel that little bit better.
I will keep you guys updated how the drawing tablet goes.